Spam

West Spam were formed in 1915 from the workers from a luncheon meat packers based in West Hampstead.

Nicknamed The Shammers by locals because of the ability of many employees to skive off, the team wore white kit stained with "Newham Nausea", a locally produced red wine made from rotting tomatoes and jellied eels.

The club featured in the first Wembley Cup Final against Bolt-on Wonderbra, noted for Shammers fans attempts to get in for free.

Famous players include Geoff Burst, scorer of two-and-a-half goals in a World Cup Final, and Sir Bobby Maher, manager of the Mighty Shrimpers and a Shammers player for 5 minutes.

Recently Spam have shown their East-London-til-I-die credentials by selling their souls to a Kojak lookalike biscuit magnate from Iceland (no seriously, that bit is true) and signing Argentinians from 3rd parties whilst lying to the Premier League about it (honestly that's true aswell) and selling their fans shirts with Xtra-Large on the front (again true).

Latest kit offering has a Rent-A-Cockney film star modelling a maroon shirt with "sherbert" on the front!

And new owners made their dosh from porno filth and rampant rabbit vibrators!

Class!