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  • RSS The Non League Football Paper

    • Former Chorley manager Vermiglio takes over at Buxton
      The former Magpies boss ended over a decade-long stay at Victory Park earlier this week to ‘take on a new challenge’. The post Former Chorley manager Vermiglio takes over at Buxton appeared first on The Non-League Football Paper.
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      Football is the most popular real-life game, while slots are highly-played online games. If you are a football fan who […] The post The best football slots in the UK appeared first on The Non-League Football Paper.
    • The Greatest American Soccer Players Ever
      Believe it or not, there have been some seriously successful soccer players to come out of America in the past […] The post The Greatest American Soccer Players Ever appeared first on The Non-League Football Paper.
    • FA Trophy Final: Michael Cheek fires Bromley to history
      Bromley 1 Wrexham 0 Cheek 64 The Cheek of it! Big guns Wrexham turn up at Wembley Stadium with their […] The post FA Trophy Final: Michael Cheek fires Bromley to history appeared first on The Non-League Football Paper.

The rise and fall of the Hipster Hammer 11-06-16 

West Ham’s move to a new stadium has caused a surge in the number of people seeking professional help for emotional distress, according to a Southend psychoanalyst. A group of men and women, aged usually between 20 and 35, has been identified as “Hipster Hammers”, and this group has been suffering trauma in recent weeks. Dr Brian Dokta explains: “The Hipster Hammer phenomenon has been growing over the last few years and reached its zenith when the Manchester United team coach was attacked near the Boleyn Ground. The videos clearly show Costa coffee cups and cans of Punk IPA flying through the air. Fueled by caffeine and DVD’s of Green Street, the mob of Hipster Hooligans put on a good show. But it’s been downhill since then”, commented Dr Dokta. “A combination of factors has led to anxiety within the HH community. The move to the Olympic Greyhound Stadium has removed a major building block of HH belief. For years, the Hipster Hammer, when accused of being a “Plastic” has been able to claim that they could never make it to Upton Park Because they couldn’t get a ticket. But the new stadium means that there’s no excuse any more. Add to this the closure of the West Ham shop in Basildon and we have the perfect Hipster storm.” With depression and anxiety hitting Hipster Hammers hard, it has fallen on Dr Dokta to try to alleviate the symptoms. At his Southend surgery, several techniques have been tried, including aversion therapy and hypnotism, but the best results have been seen when using what Dr Dokta calls the “Hamlich Manoeuvre”. Taking into account the mental and physical anguish which affects the subjects, and the need to tread gently around the psychological wellbeing of the patients, Dr Dokta explained how the Hamlick Manoeuvre works. ” I slap them round the face and say “Support your local team you Maroon shirted twat”.

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