FA Cup tie with Chelsea, 2009

With the FA Cup tie with Chelsea coming up, SUFC have asked their fans to wear yellow at the game.
Some critics have suggested that this is a cunning ploy to boost club takings.
“Of course not,” says shop manager Robin Punters.
“We have some fantastic new products which were in no way brought in just to exploit the situation”
These include SUFC custard, competitively priced at £9.99.

Also available in tins”, said Robin. “The TESCO label actually stands for The Excellent Southend Cup Offer, and can also be seen on tins of grapefruit.”

Also on offer are high protein vitamin snacks at a bargain £4.99 each. Attractively packaged in yellow packets, with a special EEZEE OPEN design at no extra cost.


Assistant manager Izzy Avinalaf explained ” These superb potassium rich snacks are a must have for every Southend fan. They even change colour after a week or so…..”

Southend fans will be well dressed for Chelsea, with these special boots, as explained by shop assistant Hugh R. Jokin.
“They are orthopedic shoes designed for us by a Doctor Martin. We have emailed all the people on our extensive database who have convictions for football related disorder so that they can take advantage of our great offer. They are only £39.99 – and the same price for the other boot if they need two.”

COMING SOON – Amphibious bathing implements at only £12.99


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